Goodbye Nancy Pants

I remember when I fell in love with you outside the gift shop between Dexter and Winfield. The lady wanted $30 I think, which I gladly gave. My friend Norma Miller was with me and we drove you home, but made you sit in the back- you smelled horrible! I gave you a bath outside and you loved it so much, but you looked like a little ‘pig dog’ with your hair all laying down flat and your nose shaped the way it was.

We used to chase each other around the crab apple tree, and I would shout “you’re trazy”! (That was puppy talk for ‘you’re crazy’). I would rush home from work every night to be with you, and if the weather was bad, I would even come all the way from Winfield at lunch to make sure you were okay. I didn’t leave you inside when I left, because you hated that, but you stayed in the yard pretty good. You did have such a bad habit of chasing cars though! It drove me insane! You got so bad about it; I would have to throw raw chicken out of the car window to get you to stay when I was leaving. One time you chased a truck and got hit! Your leg was sliced open and I doctored you till it was well, no vet for us!

Remember the time we had a baby rattlesnake in the house? Oh man was that scary. You weren’t scared though; you attacked that thing and almost got bit! I put my leather gloves on, picked it up by the tip of its tail, carried it to the front porch, and smashed it in the head with a hammer- yuck! The only other time we had a varmint inside was when the big mouse (rat) ran from the pantry closet to the closet that had the furnace in it. I was screaming and you were just trying to chase it, but couldn’t get any traction on the kitchen linoleum. That was hilarious!

I remember how you could jump up in mid air and catch birds in your mouth! Well, you came close anyway. And remember when the neighbor went deer hunting and brought back the leg for you to gnaw on? You were in dog heaven!

I would always take you jogging with me. You loved it so much. I put you on your leash and we would run together. The ONE time I didn’t put you on your leash remember what you did? You chased a skunk into the cedars and got sprayed! I took you home, scolding all the way and trying not to breathe, then tied you to the pump and doused you with tomato juice. Despite the juice, it still took forever to get that smell off of your fur.

You sure loved the sheep and chickens too. You always came out to the field with me to cut hay with the weed eater. You would lie in the sun, or chase rabbits while I worked. Then we would feed the sheep. And you always came out with me to water everyone in the mornings. Winters were hard- I had to chop ice with a pickaxe to open up the pond for the horses to drink.

We ate oatmeal in the mornings, and I would grill us steaks at night sometimes, but we always ate together. You loved, loved, loved your popcorn! And since I had no cable, I would rent a movie almost every day, and we would have popcorn and a movie before bed.

You saved me from a very lonesome existence Nancy, and I am so grateful to you for that. We weathered storms together, in more ways than one. How many times did I cry into your soft fur because I was lonesome or scared, or hopeless?

When we met Robby and the boys we both knew we had met our new family. It was sad to give up country life, and I still miss it, but we traded all that for more love, and that was ten thousand times better. Our little house after the boys moved in was just too little, so we moved here on Kansas street.

You loved the big yard, and the other dogs you shared your life with- Chewie, Chopper & Annie. You loved to chase the ball with them, and you loved to go for walks. You loved to play tug of war too. You never fought with any of the other dogs, and you were never mean to the boys. In fact, the only time I saw you bite was on the front porch of the little house, when that guy tried to open the front gate after we told him not to. Daddy always said, “That was when Nancy bit her first democrat”.

The years came and went here in the red house on Kansas, but you never changed except for the gray around your muzzle. Always happy, loyal, steadfast, a great watchdog, loving, gentle, and friendly to everyone who entered our home. You were such a good friend to us all girl.

You got sick at the end of 2008. Your belly swelled up a little and you became short of breath. I was hard for you to go up the stairs at night too, so daddy built you a ‘sled’ that him and Riley carried you on. I always called you the ‘queen of Sheba’ when they loaded you up on that thing. It was carpeted and everything! Well, that illness got better so we thought you were okay. You even played with your toys again. Then you got sick again and it lasted too long that time. So we took you to the vet knowing that we might not be bringing you home. You couldn’t even walk in, so daddy and the lady carried you on your sled.

It was Saturday, February 21^st, 2009 at a little after 9am. They opened at 9 for walk-ins on Saturday, so I woke daddy up at 8 to ask if we could take you. He and Rye loaded you up onto the van and off we went. They weighed you (you had ten pounds extra of water weight from the swollen belly), then told us they needed to do an x-ray. So they carried you into the x-ray room and told us they could take it from there. I didn’t know how they would get you up on that table, but they said it wouldn’t be a problem. I feel so bad that I didn’t insist on staying until they got you up there and the machine in place, because I just know that’s what gave you the final heart attack- that machine.

You were so scared of machines- even reclining chairs because of the noise they made. They came out and told us you were having trouble breathing, so we rushed in to be by your side. You were gasping- not panting- and I knew you were leaving us. Your daddy cried, then I started crying- and it seems like I haven’t stopped since. I put my head down next to yours, and spoke right into your ear, saying, “I love you Nancy”, and “you’re such a good girl”. I know you already knew that I loved you, and that I thought you were a good girl, because I told you every single day, but I wanted it to be the last thing you heard.

I laid my head on your chest and I barely heard you heart beating- it was very faint…then it stopped, and you took one last gasp. It was about 9:20am when you left us. You would have been 15 in July. The vet said the x-ray showed congestive heart failure, and that there was nothing we could have done to save you. Daddy went out to bring the van to the back door, and the vet said they would put you in a plastic bag for us because you might have some poop come out. I said no I couldn’t have my baby in a garbage bag, so I made them lay the bag in your sled, then we laid you in there. Daddy and I cried all the way home. I called Riley before we left and told him what to expect- he cried with me over the phone.

We brought you in and laid you in a nice trunk on your blanket. I stayed with you while daddy dug your grave. It was the saddest day of my life so far Nancy. I just wanted to stay and pet you forever because I knew I would miss your soft fur so much. I wanted to put something in your casket from me, something special, but I didn’t know what it would be. So I ended up putting in the t-shirt that I had worn the day before. It still smelled like me, which was kind of crazy because I knew you were gone and you couldn’t smell me. But still, I turned it inside out and put the part that had been next to my chest up against your chest so we would be heart-to-heart. I just lay there kissing your soft ear and petting you, until it was time to let you go for good. I hope you don’t mind, but I cut off the hair at the tip of your tail to give me something to hold of you, and something of you for the other doggies to smell.

Casey paid for a nice heart-shaped stone to go on your grave, and I’ll plant flowers there in the spring. I wear a silver heart necklace with a paw in the middle. I’ve worn it since a few days after you left me, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able, or want to take it off. Maybe I will if I can replace it with a locket I can put your picture in.

I have been waiting to have a dream about you. I know that might be the only way I’ll ever see you again. I finally did last night, well actually this morning because it was right before I woke up. Today is March 1^st. here’s the dream: I was on bended knee, with my arm wrapped around your mid-section. Your tummy wasn’t swollen and you were so happy and healthy! You were as glad to see me, as I was you! I said, “I missed you Nancy!” and you were licking my face and wagging your tail :-) That dream made me feel so good because I didn’t say “I miss you”, I said “I missed you”, past tense. We were together again for good. I hope that was a vision of the future. Every day I hope I will see you again Nancy. That’s my prayer.

Till We Meet Again